Gains and Losses

Lately, there's been good. There's been bad.

I haven't decided if it's all going to come out even yet. 

Good things are going on. 

I'm done with research until grad school. (For the most part.)

Nothing is stopping me from study abroad so far. (I kind of figured that something would happen and shut me down. Nothing yet though...)

I'm living with KB next semester. (Never thought that would happen.)

Yet, I feel like I've lost a lot recently or will lose very soon. I will complain. 

Prepare yerselves, mateys. 

Part of my family- the beautiful, wonderful girls I babysit- are moving to Texas in a few months. (which is an issue in itself. Who goes to Texas willingly? Honestly.)

A friend has inexplicably dropped all contact with me, leaving me confused and incredibly hurt. All I know is that apparently classes have prevented Individual from talking directly to me. (As though classes are a new development in their life. I'm gonna go ahead, make the jump, and call bull on this one.)  

Eric is going home for an internship. Soon. When he gets back, I leave for the land of the Dingos, Dunkaroos, and Didgeridoos. (Maybe not Dunkaroos. But there's always hope) I will miss him terribly, and pray that these 8 or so months apart make us stronger. 

Oh, and I accidently accepted a date with someone. I haven't been asked out in years. How do I know a proposal when I see it, huh?!

As for now, I'm going to not think about anything mentioned in the second part of this post, shove it deep down inside of me and let it fester for 2 weeks until exams are over, then I will either a) Deal with it prayerfully, calmly, and rationally or b) find the nearest Krispie Kreme and drown my sorrows in Shell Station Big Gulps cups of doughnut glaze. 

We know which option will be better come opening day at the community pool. 

Birthdays

Birthdays are interesting things.

I don't know what it was like in everybody else's families, but on each of the Lachiver's special day's, there was a favorite dinner and desert made, a great hulabaloo made of the gifts and reminiscing about the years the Lachiver has survived in our oh so loving family.

I feel sad that it's no longer my birthday. It's fun to be able to say the words, "Yeah... it's my birthday." You say it nonchalantly, but deep down you know that despite the fact that everyone has a birthday, your day is somehow more special than others, and that you should get more privileges than anyone else, because hey, it's your birthday, and you're kinda a big deal.

The birthday was fantastic as far as gifts go. Probably the best I've ever had, actually. My family, Eric, and my wonderful friends know me well and I couldn't be happier with any gift. (Unless maybe there was a hundred dollar bill pinned to each one. But realistically...)

I'm 19. I am an adult. I don't know how this is different than the other recent birthdays, but typing those numbers sent a chill down my spine. 364 days till I'm gone from the teen years forever. The countdown begins.

Whoa.

Want vs. Need

There are things I want from life.

In no particular order...

• I want to publish a photograph. In a magazine, a book, somewhere.
• I want to get my doctorate in psychology.
• I want to own a motorcycle, if only for a few years.
• I want to have kids, and raise them as well as my parents have raised my sisters and me.
• I want to study abroad in Sydney.
• I want to completely and truly understand the inner workings of American football.
• I want to live somewhere away for a few years with nothing but my faith.
• I want to stop being a people pleaser. It sucks.
• I want to have as many experiences as I can, with as many people as I can.

and, since no one will read probably read this and call me out on it when I don't...

• I'm going to attempt blog more. It keeps me off Facebook.

I want so badly to accomplish something that means something to someone. I want to prove to myself and others that I have drive and focus. I want to set goals and surpass them. More than anything though, I need contentment. I'm always beating myself down and worrying about what others think or about missing out on things. It's exhausting, having to be on the move all the time- this summer was a perfect example. Since June 28th, I've been to Tybee Island, Handycamp, the Indiana Dunes/Chicago, the Virgin Islands (and inadvertently Puerto Rico), stayed alone with the girls for up to a week at a time, and tomorrow I leave for Atlanta. I've got this desire to do it all, and I need to stop. It's hard physically and emotionally. (The busyness was not without it's benefits- I got to see "My Little Pony: Biggest Tea Party in the World -LIVE!") I forget to Whom I'm accountable. The only One. This semester, this year, and beyond it, I'm going to work on contentment.

What a goal.

Hey, its countable on ONE hand!

Ok, so 4 days of school left.

Why don't I feel more emotion about this? I'm leaving high school. I'm moving into (what should be) a completely different stage of life. Maybe it's because deep down, I don't know if I'm making that big of an adjustment. I'm living in the same area. Keeping the same job. Keeping the same boyfriend and hopefully friends. (which reminds me, I'm reading another Capote book and he's got a quote in there that I like for some reason- "Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't have too many friends because then you're just not really friends." Even though the quote sounds like it came from the mouth of Zoolander, what with its roondaboot syntax, I still like it.)

I became more emotional about the fact that my sister is moving home from Ohio for her remaining 2 years of college than I did knowing I'm done with high school in less than a week.

Or maybe it's because im not graduating from HHCA. I don't think that's it really, because I'm not sad about that. While in all honesty, it would appear to the untrained eye that I am attempting to live in both worlds- listening to Kristin and Matt and Vicki tell their stories of Hilton Head... Experiencing that life vicariously, glued to my telephone...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thoroughly enjoying life here and not wishing it to change it for the world.

I guess that about wraps it up for now. I didn't really come to any Earth shattering conclusions this week except that Capote is only a great movie if you've read the book first. Not that that's that Earth shattering either. I just used 3 that's in a row.

Mother's Day begins in 3 minutes, and in a few hours I've got to get up early and try my hand at a recipe I saw this morning on the Food Network. I owe my mom. By the way, the Food Network rocks my socks off. And tomorrow maybe I'll go to the rugby game and rejoice in the fact that a) I have a mother who loves me dearly and b) This year I don't have to participate in the annual Mother's Day piano recital that has taken place every year on Hilton Head for as long as I can remember.

The Zoo

Today Caroline and I (with special guest
Carin) went to the zoo to take a gander at the
new elephant exibit they had going on there. Highly exciting, becuase Carin hasn't been to the zoo since she was practically a fetus, and Caroline learned (after an eyebrow scrunch and a good hard look at me, the animal, me, the animal) that I could be trusted and the aardvark is truly an animal that exists on our planet.

Caroline really showed off many different facets of her personailty today. The first was her compassionate side. She thanked the tiger on the carousel and promised to see him again soon. She also soothingly whispered things for 10 minutesto the bear that adorned the wall of the zoo's financial benefactors .

However, by the end of a hard afternoon of riding on my shoulders, she got a little crabby, and her true nature was unleashed. Not unlike the tigers we saw, she massacred all of her hot dog (and most of mine) with more vigor than I'd ever seen out of her. This is the face of a savage.

When she demanded animal crackers and all I had were Jungle crackers on me, I thought we might have a revolt on our hands.

Luckily she didn't taste the difference.

I think my blog might explode if I put more pictures on, so I guess the rest will be on my xanga or flickr. Well, I'll go get a flickr. Then they'll be on there.

I'm very excited about the upcoming weeks. I'll I've got left to do for the rest of the school year is AP Psych test... and then I'm done. Better yet, Micah's done too. Hurrah for slacking off.

The End is Near...

I'm going to be completely honest right now. For the longest time, I wasn't ready to leave Xanga. I didn't think that my ego could handle it. I mean, some posts I'd get upwards of 20 comments. (Rarely, but hey, it happened.) I'm going to ease into this Blogger thing. (I kind of have to, really. It is the most scholarly of all of these kinds of websites. The hierarchy goes Myspace, Xanga, Blogspot. Finally, at age 17, I think I might be mature enough for Blogspot. We'll see.)Anyway, my dad and I got playing with the camera this weekend and I ended up taking a few pretty sweet pictures, if I do say so myself.